Today's venting session

In January I had a miscarriage. I was 8 weeks along and Calvin and I were soooo happy! We on January 7th I knew something was wrong because I had some dark discharge and was cramping really bad. I went to the doctors and the ultrasound was interesting. I was eight weeks but only appeared to be five weeks which is a big deal because it seemed as if the baby had stopped developing. The very ungenuine doctor continued to tell me that there was no way to tell if I was going to miscarry or not, and then gave the statistics about miscarraige. I really didn't appreciate it all that much and he was no help at all. The cramping continued and the next day I was in so much pain! We had to pick up my sister from the shuttle and she came back home with us. I said I had to use the bathroom and as soon as I sat down it all came out (sorry for being discriptive). I was in complete shock because I knew what was happening but nothing can prepare you for that. I have not sobbed that hard in my entire life and Calvin was amazing at just being there for me. He and my sister got me into the bath because the pain was so bad and we called a friend of ours that is an OBGYN. He said that I was having a miscarriage but it sounded like my body was doing well at taking care of it myself and that I could take ibuprophen for the pain. They bath helped tremedously but I was not prepared for how long of a process a miscarriage really is. I am lucky that my body did everything itself and that I didnt need a D&C. They staff at the doctors were so amazed at my attitude towards everything and one lady told me to "keep that awesome personality". I guess i'm pretty good at putting on a face for everyone. After a month and a half of doctor visits my HCG hormone was down to 0 and I was done there. I must say that this was the most painful experience of my life to date, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They only thing that kept me from going down the deep end was the understanding I have of the temple. Calvin and I were sealed for time and all eternity along with all of our children. Someday I will get the chance to hold and love that child. Until that day, I have to be strong and just move forward, which is easier said than done. I think I have gone through ever emotion known to man! I seem to notice every baby and every pregnant woman around. I tried be happy for them but it just wasntthere anymore. Everything makes me cry, happy or sad things. I cant watch anything about babies without crying. My one breakthough happened recently, however. A great couple friend of Calvin and I have been trying for close to five years to have a baby and had given up hope that they could have kids. Well, come to find out she is pregnant! I was genuinely happy for them and since then it seems to be easier to be happy for others who have that great blessing of a child. I know that everything happens for a reason and I just need to put my trust in the Lord, but I guess I am struggling with faith because until I am holding my own healthy baby in my arms I will worry and this is the one thing that is truly testing my patience! Here are the positives to waiting: Calvin and I get to enjoy just each other all of the time, we get to sleep in, I can finish school quicker, I can prepare my body better, and my mind....and i'm sure there are others but I just dont know about them :) I just want nothing more to be the best wife and mother. I cant wait for the day when I can stay home with my children and raise them in love. I want to be the one to teach my kids the important things in life, and I want them to come to me for anything. I want them to know that I will love them more than anything. I have realized something during all of this as well. The most important relationship in my home with be that between Calvin and I. I have to first be a good wife before I can be a good mother because what kind of example would I be setting for my children if I wasnt first a good wife? The same goes for Calvin being a good husband first. There is no better way to teach your children of the divine institution of marriage and the eternal importance of the family.
Well that is enough from me! Back to taking it one day at a time :)

My lonely week...

For those of you who dont know, Calvin got an internship with Dunkin and Bush in Bellingham Washington. They were really pushing for him because they love our school and were thrilled to have him apply. They are a really great company that has been around for over 60 years and have made it so far based on doing what is right. What more can you ask for? He has had all kinds of thoughts about this, both good and bad. I have felt good about it the whole time which has helped him. I took him to the airport on Sunday to go to his internship training in Kirkland. Its only been one day of training but he is already loving it!...and he is getting paid but thats just a side note! He cant wait to live there this fall and I can't either. As hard and boring as it is being alone until saturday, it has made me appreciate my time with him even more and I have even looked forward to school because its giving me something to do haha. Who ever thought that day would come?! I am really proud of Calvin and all of his hard work. He tries so hard to provide for us and I need to be more grateful for all that he does and not complain that I don't see him as much as I would like. I know it won't always be that way so I just need to be patient and be happy now. It could be worse...we could still be searching for an internship and worring about that! So here is to being happy and grateful now for all that we are blessed with.

Camping trip

Last weekend we went camping with our new friends the Cheatham's (Warren, Julie, Troy, Talia, Mason). We went up to Ashton near Island Park and just found an off road in search of the perfect camping spot. It was so beautiful there and soooo quiet, which was much needed. We took a bit to set up camp and as we were walking back to get the food for dinner we noticed a surprise on the ground.....Bear tracks...everywhere! There were wolf and elk tracks as well. Just goes to show you should check your chosen campsite before you set everything up. We decided to stay there. The men had their guns of course which must mean that nothing will happen. I was fine through dinner and talking and then...it got dark. I definitely didn't sleep at all, and neither did Calvin but not because he was afraid of bears like me. It was also FREEZING! We couldn't keep each other warm at all! Lets just say it made me super grateful for my nice warm bed! The next day we had an amazing breakfast and then drove around to find the perfect tree to cut down for our friends school project. It was fun to see Calvin and Warren in their natural element haha. They got the job done quick and I could kick myself for not recording it! The Cheatham's have three little kids so one night and a day is about all they could handle so we headed home soon after but it was well worth the time. We had a blast and love making new friends. It wont be long till were out there again (hopefully when its a bit warmer or I have a better sleeping bag).

Getting Dinner Ready 

Our Humble Abode 

The only way to cut firewood :) 

Tin Foil Dinners! 

Grizzly tracks :/ 

French toast and sausage for breakfast! 

Calvin cooking up a storm 

Measuring all of the tracks 

Baby bear 

The tree of choice 

Black Bear 

Wolf 

A happy honey 

Our new jeep in its natural element 

Time to get home





Our Story

Calvin and I met in the spring of 2011. His roommate was my boss and was constantly telling him to take me out, even though we had never met or seen each other. Well, we ended up playing on the same softball team (which I think his roommate planned) and even then we didnt really talk much. I remember asking him once when he was going to take me on a dirt bike ride and guess what our first date was? I had just finished running the teton dam half marathon when I get the call from Calvin asking me if I wanted to go for a dirt bike ride up by Mesa Falls. So what does a girl in pain after a crazy run do....pop a few pain killers and hop on the back of that bike. He will say he didnt treat me anything special because he was not interested at all, but if you ask me, that was the best date I had been on in a long time. The funny thing about us is that neither one of us really wanted to date each other but we tried it anyway. I was the first to end it because in all honesty I had been hurt so much before that I just didnt know what I wanted anymore. But.....the minute I walked in the door after telling him everything...I wanted to take it all back (must have been love right haha). So we went for it again only to have him end it for reasons he can write about if he wishes....somewhere along the lines of it just wasnt right and someone else could make me happier than he could. Crushed? Of Course! Give up? Absolutely not! Lets just say persistance pays off ;) I kept coming around and inviting him to do things even though I could tell he didnt want to. I was the one who was always there when he really needed someone even though it hurt to not know if was worth it or not. Then we went on another dirt bike adventure...100 miles round trip from Mesa Falls to West Yellowstone and back. That is where I met Wesley's inlaws who offered me work for the fall down in Utah. Two days before Calvin was leaving to go down I had to make a decision, and nothing ever felt so right. I sold my housing contract miraculously the next morning and was packed up in Calvin's truck the following day. A week later we were at convention for work and Calvin asked this interesting question. "What do you think about people who get married really fast?" Me: "Well, I used to think they were crazy but now I'm not so sure." As the story goes...we set a date to get married that same week (the date and place changed like three times but thats a whole other story). He proposed at the old mill park in Nephi, Utah a week later and a month later we were married in the Seattle Washington LDS Temple for time and all eternity on September 10th, 2011. It was the happiest day of my life and I consider myself to be one lucky and blessed woman. All the stress of planning a wedding in a month was gone and nothing else mattered other than Calvin and I and our future together. Gotta love a happily ever after and I had finally gotten mine...and its just the beginning.



Once upon a time we got a blog...

I always made fun of people who had blogs because it seemed like they were putting their life on the internet and I thought...why don't you just write in a journal? Well look at me now, writing my first post on my blog and cant help but realize how nice it is to finally have a way to share whats going on in our lives with family and friends. A picture only says so much, so now I can post pics and tell stories all at the same time! My hope is that everyone can see what us two crazy love birds are up to and get the skinny on it all. So here goes nothing!